Abortion: The importance of supporting mothers who don’t want to have a baby
Letters exchanged with Elena Tonetti-Vladimirova on the topic of abortion, October 2008:
“We are offended that this newsletter has asked us to put our name on a document that would promote emergency contraception. This is indeed abortion and for a company to promote it, especially one called Birth into Being, saddens us deeply. The only way we come into our being are from those earliest moments of conception-please remove us from your mailing list.
The Gonnella Family”
And here is my response:
I am very sorry that my letter offended you! I'll remove your name from my list immediately. The reason I support this notion is the fact that out of 10,000 investigated most violent criminals, that are now serving life sentences in jail- 100% of them were unwanted babies. Dr. Stan Grof published his research in the 80's, there is an enormous body of evidence that when a baby was conceived and gestated in a hostile situation and a mother resents that baby throughout her pregnancy, that baby will, most likely, grow into an aggressive adult. Multiplying misery is not a very spiritual thing to do. Is it really that much better to send them to death row, after a long, meaningless, torturous life?
Of course, it doesn’t mean that every unwanted baby would become a criminal. I was an unwanted child, for example, and I didn’t become a serial killer. But the fact still remains: out of those who did become criminals, all of them were not wanted. When a mother resents her child, she can not provide quality parenting.”
My conversation with Emily continues RE: emergency contraceptives:
I see what you are saying… I just don’t want to get on the band wagon of determining who is fit and who is unfit mother. I reject any notion of giving a government any power to determine who is unfit to become a parent. I don't want to be part of talking women into abortions - the blood would be on my hands.
Elena, keep encouraging women about beautiful birth. Young girls, even boys, need to see how beautiful it can be. What you do does a lot to make these babies "wanted." You help us see the "gift" of birth.
there is absolutely no invitation to be the determining factor about who is fit and who is unfit. Where did that come from? Allowing women to choose doesn't mean forcing them to terminate their pregnancy or 'talk them into it'. Not prohibiting it for those who desire it with a passion and will do it anyway, illegally, in anti sanitary conditions, mostly themselves, - is a far reach from taking on determining who should be doing it.
It would be very educational to know the yearly death toll from self administered abortions in those states where it is prohibited. It's a silent war going on - young girls killing themselves accidentally trying to secretly get rid of their babies in guilt and shame, and don't have anywhere to turn to for help (in the best case scenario – injuring themselves badly). The state that didn't make an effort to educate them, to take care of their needs, is in a position of ultimate power of punishing them for their 'mistakes'. Which means exactly what you are trying to avoid - those states took upon themselves the righteous role of being the determining power to force women into doing what they hate - into giving birth, making these women victims of the state.
And there is also another side to this issue - in one's concern for the sacredness of life, if one would know that a woman is pregnant with a 'Hitler' or a 'Stalin', who would kill millions of people, what would be the right moral decision here? To spare that one life or spare those millions?
Because we do know what the common denominator is between all of the stalins, saddam huseins, hitlers and jack-the-rippers: the mothers who did not want them, did not care to protect them and meet their needs. These mothers did not know how to take care of their own needs either; they never had anyone in their lives to role model it for them. It’s not out of conscious decision that they’ve neglected their children! They just did not know how to be good mothers, because they themselves were born to women who did not want them... And the circle goes round-n-round... Multiplying misery is not a virtue! Yes, it was mostly men who were daily beating those little boys who later became rapists and killers, but who gave birth to those big men? Who did not provide their safety when they were little?
At some point it has to stop. Ladies, the time is NOW! It’s really up to us! WE have to roll up our sleeves and start making new people without compromising their dignity and setting them up for a big drama. We have to stop being victims and indulge in our helplessness. The sacredness of life is every newborn’s primal experience. That is the only thing they know. It is our responsibility to help them remember it and not to disconnect from their bodies due to traumatic introduction to our world. But sacredness of life can not be forced by the law. It can only be patiently honored.
It seems like the surest solution to end all wars and violent crime on this planet is to take good care of pregnant women! We as a society have the power to provide the safety and nourishment for women during pregnancy and early childhood, for the next generation to be born without the need to inflict pain or be victimized. It would only take a fraction of the money that is being invested now into 'war on drugs' or 'war in the name of God'. We already know that it is a form of addiction - the need to be victimized or a need to inflict pain - and it is formed during the early childhood, starting with conception. It is an addiction that most governments of the world exploit to generate soldiers and slaves. If babies are limbically imprinted for suffering, it’s the surest way of creating a submissive population. People who put the words “And women should suffer in birth” into the current translation of the Bible probably knew this. Because these words are not in the original tablets - they were added only a few centuries ago by people who knew that this mechanism works perfectly well on animals to domesticate them – elephants, camels, horses... They did not have fancy psychological terms for it, like ‘limbic imprint’, - but how hard would it be to figure out that it works just the same on people? If a man is not programmed on fear and pain, he can not go and kill his own kind. In nature, species don’t kill their own.
Of course, in the short format of this letter, I am over-simplifying the whole picture. Life is much more complex and every rule has exceptions. But still, that’s the general dynamic and I wish we, the women, would wake up from our hypnotic slumber. The way I see it, the most dangerous weapon on this planet at this point is a Frustrated Woman. Generations after generations, after generations of frustrated women not providing their kids with safety and care. All of the man-made weapons, enough to blow up our beautiful planet 300 times, - is a reflection and equivalent of the cumulative destructive power of angry, disoriented women who gave away their creative life force and did not raise the children to be compassionate, intelligent and kind. So the boys had to make really big guns to feel some degree of safety…
About women being the most dangerous weapon – of course it’s exaggerated, but it IS my opinion that women are a huge power and any big power could be turned both ways. So far there is too much fighting on this planet, so it means that power is not optimized. I know how much distraction I can cause if I act out my frustration. I could be effectively dropped on a small town and no need to build a bomb. I am joking know, but that knowledge was not acquired theoretically. Basically, my life’s work is a result of my desire to mend the damage I’ve caused when I was not paying attention.
Women are in the business of making new people! It is the true likeliness of God - the power to create something completely new. Not just spiritually/metaphorically, or like turning a tree into paper; it’s the physical power of embodiment that women gave up on a grand scale. I wish I could talk about it without getting all wound up… My passion is not always patient...
Men only deal with what was given to them in their beginning, they don't have much choice. Pregnant women are in a different league - for 9 months their body chemistry runs their electro-magnetic circuitry (and visa versa:) in a way that allows them to flip 'on' all the 'switches' they wish ‘on’ and turn 'off' what they want 'off'. It's a lucid condition of enormous potential, very specific to pregnancy, when all systems in the body are re-arranging. It's a window of opportunity that is rarely taken.
Yes, it was G W Bush that officially started the war in Iraq. But after I read his mother’s memoirs “How to Raise a President” I can not even be upset with him any more. The poor guy never had a chance! His ability to think for himself, to become his own person, was systematically removed out of his nervous system by his mom. Abuse doesn’t always come as neglect and bruises, it also comes in a well-mannered and well-dressed disguise of total mind control. My heart goes out to all of those children – billions of them – who did not have the sweet tenderness of mother’s safe embrace…
If only we could help women to know themselves, to recognize the enormous power that they posses through their ability to create a new person, if only we would take care of our young properly,- just for one generation - there will be no more need in discussion about abortions at all, it would become a non-issue, as it should be. Nobody would have to be 'forced' into giving birth!
In good conditions most women naturally want to have babies. Women only want to get rid of their children when their own lives are threatened by it one way or the other, mostly when life is stressful beyond their capacity to handle that stress level. And in that case they need the right to choose what to do without being pushed even further into their despair by the state law.
Still, the main question for me personally is why does the state have a need to tell these women that their life is less important then the life of their future babies? Something is very strange about it… When I told my friends in Russia that Americans have abortions on the political agenda, they thought I surely was joking. Took me an effort to make them believe I was not.
And what about those women who consciously make a decision to direct their creativity to other projects then becoming a mother? That’s a legitimate choice, too! I’ve heard form a mother of 3 grown up children, all of whom have severe problems, “I wish I knew when I was young, that I did not have to have children… I feel like I’ve wasted my life on cooking, cleaning, and driving them around… I dreamed of becoming a scientist since I was a little girl and graduated as a Valedictorian, but then I got married and good by my dreams…” Well…
And then there is another one, already a mother of 5 very happy children: “I wish I could afford 20 children! I just LOVE being a mother, lo-o-ove being pregnant!”
They would have balanced each other, wouldn’t they? If each of them would have a way of doing what she wants - everyone would benefit, - we as a society would have benefited! …I’m a dreamer…
Thank you for opening this discussion. Wow! I really got going on this one, didn’t I… And especially thank you for doing it respectfully and gently. I had so many aggressive attacks on that matter that didn't leave any room for discussion, - for so many people it's a very sensitive area. Extremely refreshing to have an intelligent conversation about this issue.
Thank you. I think that you and I are saying pretty close to the same thing but in different ways. I do understand where you are coming from. A full picture is seen when we can view the many dynamics of this "issue." Regardless of the "law", women will do what they want. The work you are doing does more for the cause of “pro--life" than any law "prohibiting abortion". "Pro-life" is not just a phrase to be manipulated by a select group. I have observed a political group to be so-called "pro-life" in one area, like abortion, but ‘anti-life’ in all other areas, like food and nutrition rights and war propagation.
So I feel that all of this brings me back to myself and my calling in my heart. I found it to not be very effective to be only against something, but to transform ‘the against’ attitude into an affirmative of what it is that I would actually like to create. More good comes out of inspiring than of punishing. My intention is to support what inspires me and what adds life to living. I agree with your paragraph about tending to and taking care of pregnant women so that abortion becomes obsolete, just like I hope war becomes a non-issue and is seen as a non-entertaining, idiotic, and unproductive waste of time and energy. So let's keep supporting pregnant women - pre-pregnant women - all women - women in bloom – etc!
Your work expresses this to me. You say that everything I do matters - to me and to my young. And it matters to my family, my community and the whole world. I love the way you speak out about keeping our baby boys whole in their sexual organs - thank you. We are always making an imprint. What we do matters! Thank you. Keep up the good work!