In preparation for giving birth, it is vitally important to heal the gap in connection between the pregnant woman and her mother. And by no means do I mean to say that the relationship between the soon-to-be father and his mother isn't important -- ideally, both mothers need to be on the same page with the pregnant couple about bringing this new human being into our world - without projections, expectations, or anxieties. This helps to establish strong, healthy protective layers around the Birthing Field, where the baby feels safe and builds the little body without pausing to hesitate. But in this short essay, I want to emphasize the tension in the female lineage in the family. These relationships often need a lot of healing by default. A pregnant woman needs to feel like she can deeply relax and trust her mother. With staggering statistics in domestic violence and amount of women dying at the hand of their husbands and boyfriends, as well as insane amounts of sexual abuse and rape, the mother figure often is experienced by a young child as a source of betrayal, of broken promise, of additional source grief and stress... What I'm noticing is that the emotional abuse by maternal dis-empowerment during the early formative period of a child is rarely addressed and treated. When a girl learns early on that her mother is not there for her as a safe harbor, some very important bridges get burnt. Being a woman will start to mean feeling like a victim. And the most profound womanly expression - making a new human being - will reflect that. In therapy, most often the attention revolves around the obvious abusive patterns by a stronger and bigger person in the family - the male. The fact that a young child has to deal, on top of that, with observing the mother's humiliation and the seeming betrayal of not sufficiently protecting her baby from physical, emotional, some times, sexual pain, is often overlooked. There is usually so much to work with in the outer layers of the 'pain-body', that there are just not enough tears sometimes to go any deeper...
But let's try to estimate - what hurts the child more? Is it the actual abuse, or the mother's enabling of that abuse that leads the baby to give up on her, realizing that help is not going to come from Mom. When she takes the abuse and does nothing, she role-models an inability to stand up for herself, and express her creativity, her healthy boundaries, or her feelings. As impossible as it is to separate the two and tell which is worst, one thing is clear - the child experiences it as a huge, primal betrayal. When a child observes the mother as a helpless victim, it does something to the psyche that will be very difficult for this child to access and undo later on in the adult life. It mostly goes untreated and un-articulated. The obvious abuse by a male is so overwhelming, that it's hard to get to the point of conscious awareness of the underlying sense of betrayal by the mother, who did not have what it takes to protect and provide the child with the sense of safety of being alive. Thus, comes into play a very complicated inter-gender interaction, without a reference point of trust and deep intimate satisfaction. A new adult is left in uncharted territory to invent from scratch the basic principles of normal human tribal behaviors (which imply safety withing the immediate family, common sense, compassion, self-care, respect for elders, sacredness of life and birth, rites of passages for different stages of maturity, initiations into specific activities, etc...) the lack the experience of seeing life's challenges met by individuals interacting together with a sense of belonging. Most of the people I know and have met traveling around the globe are longing for that kind of experience - living in a community in which things make sense, where people don't have to struggle with stuff they did not need in the first place, support life styles that are not healthy for them and for the planet. I am not a scientist or a 'professional in women studies'. I don't study women and their issues - I am just a woman myself, with my own issues. And I do my best to understand what they are, when and how I got them and what I can do about it. But above all, I talk with women. With lots of them. Somehow, I ended up in this position of receiving lots of stories from women who want to share with me. I spend endless hours every day in front of my computer reading and responding. It just so happens that I am older then most of those who write to me; I've just had a bit more time to figure things out. So, what I see everywhere - millions of people all over the world now want to live in harmony with each other and Nature. Why aren't we still? Let's just do it! Heck with all that nonsense! It's so 70ies... If every one of us will make a conscious decision, starting right now, to live, act, think, love, etc, - the way our hearts desire, not being held back by fake identities, false believes, fear-based rules and conditions - what's the worst that can happen? The world as we know it will fall apart? Darn! Good! BTW, it has already happened, in case someone didn't notice!
What do we have to loose? If we start putting our money where our mouth is? We might catch a glimpse of what heaven on Earth is supposed to look like, before it's too late. We can't make Dick Cheney understand the reprecussions of what he has done. So why bother? Let's not waste any more time and energy going after 'who done it'. Let's start with ourselves, becoming and being what our Soul aches for us to be, what our Spirit wants us to manifest into these physical bodies. It's ACTIVATION time! All the dormant forces of SHEER BEAUTY, KINDNESS AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the TRUE POWER OF THE SOURCE, THE DIVINE INTELLIGENCE - are harmonizing and aligning right now, as we speak! Welcome to the new World Order! It is DONE! Now it's a matter of simple maintenance. Grounded, down to Earth, clean-up-the-mess-and-have-fun-doing-it kind of approach. It's not about each woman all of a sudden expecting to be treated like a Goddesses by everybody, but about starting to act like one - boundless source of kindness and warmth, ability to recognize the Goddess presence in every living thing, especially other women. Each one of us is a carrier of this Divine Feminine Power to create, inspire, heal. That's what Good Goddesses do :):) - building each other up! - not competing with each other! If we can forgo our addictions to drama, our neediness, our victim mentality, our sense of superiority with other sisters, our habits of scarcity and lack, our need to put each other down, the way women treated each other for centuries, we can recover our ancient sense of belonging, we can experience feeling unconditionally supported, truly accepted, and loved. BY EACH OTHER! Then we can help each other to raise our children to become peaceful guardians of Earth. Then no one will be able to order our sons to go, march and kill. Then they won't have to vent their frustration and pain by raping women and becoming terrorists. When we will have good mothers, we will have good sons, who will thrive on serving Humanity and Nature and not the Ones with Bigger Guns. It's up to us, ladies :) :) :) That is exactly why women were deliberately, methodically disempowered for thousands of years! Disheartened, confused women produce confused, disempowered offsprings! If they have confident, happy children with undamaged sense of right and wrong, - how do you make them kill each other? We can not expect politicians to wake up and start taking care of us. That's not going to happen, it's against their religion! WE ARE THE ONES WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! And the time is NOW. Not soon, not tomorrow, not in 2012... NOW. In love and Service, Elena
Non-Profit Update
Still calling for grant writers... We have a good thing going here. Now we have the non-profit status, ready to be financially supported! Calling now for good grant writers, ideas who to approach for funds, - we have a lot of work to do to clean up this mess we are in. Any kind of help is welcome!!! There is a lot of money out there, that most rich people really don't know what to do with. Bill Gates foundation just gave a 100 million dollars to study infant diarrhea. (WHAT!!!!????) - not to cure it, god forbid, which would be possible with half that money! but to just study it, to make medications for it. hmmm..... It's our holly duty to help him!! :):) And other 60 000 families in the USA who are worth 360 million dollars OR MORE. Most of them are multi-billionaires, as of 2008. It's probably even more lop-sided now. It's just funny... - economy crisis? - give me a break! The thing is - I am sure they are not thinking of themselves as 'agents of Evil', they are just lost in the game and don't realize that if they would share even a little fraction of what they have, they won't even notice any changes in their life style, but the world around them will become a much better place. Nobody really needs that much money, - it's just a game - to distract attention from not feeling loved, trying to make up for the emptiness inside... They were not breastfed and held continuously in mother's loving arms, most likely... Having to hold on to that much power comes from scarcity mentality. It is the imprint that they might run out of something. Not using it for the Greater Good of All - that just doesn't make any sense... Let's encourage the wealthy of the world to see the bigger picture, to snap off the mass hypnosis they've been under and re-direct distribution of wealth in a more reasonable way. Waking up is not really very difficult. In this day and age it's more difficult not to. The good news - some of them are sharing already! It is a really good news!!! And I am stepping forward and jumping up-n-down and waving my arms above my head "OVER HERE!!!" I have a plan! We need to get the Womanly Art of Conscious Procreation into every school in the world, starting with very young girls. The earlier they learn what is healthy and normal, the more suffering they will avoid, the more chances their children will have to be made without drama. If a girl is taught what it means to know herself, her needs, she naturally extends her loving care to everyone around her, especially her children. If she knows what true happiness is, she will teach it to them. She will teach her children how to tell true from false. That is a major missing point in our civilization right now. We disowned our ability to recognize what is good for us and what is not! Empowered woman will teach her children to be in charge of their own happiness. We are just one generation away from Happy Humankind! So! One Really Really Very Good Grant Writer Coming UP!!! In the mean time, we also need the office manager here. We have Karrie, the Amazing Bookkeeper; she is here for almost a year now and really got the ropes down. She's holding it strong and what a relief to have her here! - all accounting is in perfect order! But with all other tasks, I'm falling so far behind, especially now with the new non-profit status and expansion of all horizons.
The Knight in shiny Office Armour! Please, show up!
Raw Mom Summit
(Included in June's newsletter, but still taking signups) Dozens of Elders in the field of raw parenting have been thoughtfully interviewed and their Spoken Word is now available in one convenient place!
People are thrilled that this is happening and I'm delighted to share it with you! - the subscriptions have been flooding in!
Just tell the world that the Evolution of Motherhood Has Arrived and direct your friends, subscribers, Facebook followers, etc. to www.rawmomsummit.com, where they can sign up for this Free, 9 day Online Event.
This is just the start of something very special!! The more people we touch, the bigger impact we can have and while so many people are coming together to help us promote and spread the news about this event, it would be AMAZING to have your support in spreading the word, too! If you don't have the opportunity to catch the event live, you'll be able to purchase the whole set of interviews on cd afterwards. Check out the website and learn more at:
If you are new to receiving this newsletter, we wanted to make sure to let you know that. Past newsletters are archived on our website; just click here to go to April's issue: http://www.birthintobeing.com/newsletter_04-09.html (The archive of links to past issues is in the top left corner of each Newsletter page.)
Once upon a dawn... ... a woman smiled solemnly as she stood by her kitchen window, gazing out over rooftops and treetops while stars were fading away towards the coming day. Softly she placed her warm open hand on her pregnant belly. There was a deep courageous silent hum within this woman. It had begun aeons ago and had gone on and on through time and endless events handed down and down by uncountable developments all the way to now to the new life that was growing in delicious warmth at the center of her body. And so she smiled tasting with her entire self the bread of deep companionship with every womb, with every mother that ever was. Day was beginning the light said so so did a bird so did her baby. Even before conception this baby was alive in her heart. She used to look ahead and knew that when she became pregnant she would give her child experiences of adoring intimacy, spinning images and adventures into whole libraries of memories. And so she did: throughout the pregnancy she walked among trees, wrote poems by kissing apples, soared upwards to the stars, followed streams, and journeyed away on music to lands of light. She shared herself with her baby, revealed herself, her curiosity, ideas, sense of wonder, her joys. Today the baby is all grown up, walking tall in life, sturdy, happy, free, kind and wise. The woman, now a grandmother still likes to greet the dawn. And when she looks back over the time of her motherhood she wears that same solemn smile, recalling the delicious ideas she wove with her wombmate. She asked that we pass her ideas along for you to sample and taste and build upon. Laura Uplinger & Jack Bresnahan
ADMIRATION Take a moment and think of the great people you admire most; artists, revolutionaries, inventors, mothers, teachers, leaders, healers. Find a book about the life and accomplishments of one of them. In the days that follow, as you read the book, invite the characteristics of that person's greatness to penetrate your mind and your womb. Envision your child all grown up, walking through life, embodying these qualities you admire.
ALL THE WAY BACK On a warm calm day at the beach, slip into the ocean where life began. Swim out with strokes that are sensuous and thoughtful. As you draw away from the shore, see yourself entering the womb of the earth. Float there is sweet surrender. Hear the rhythmic surges of the ocean; they are comforting heartbeats. Feel your whole self embraced, caressed and cared for by the salty waters. From the very beginning this nurturing is how it has always been, all the way down along time... to you. And there within you a remarkable performance is now taking place: your wombmate is re-enacting the entire history of life.
BREATHE LIFE Inhale until you can take in no more. Pause thoughtfully, airfully... fathom the taste of the breath of life. Now, consciously, let it all out. This breathing give-and-take has always been. It is an exchange of gifts: you receive from the universe and in return give of yourself and your baby. Now, with all that in mind, say thank you and breathe again.
CANDLE LIGHT In the quiet privacy of a dim room summon some moments of soul silence. In that privileged state of mind, when wonder begins to spin, light a candle. Gaze into the flame as though you had never seen one before. It is a dancing voyage of mystery from here to infinity. Come along and explore immensity. Partake of fire's incorruptible energy, it will fortify and ennoble both you and your child. Revere it also as a source of insight.
CELL AWARENESS Lie down, close your eyes, Smile while breathing peacefully, deeply. Speak in friendship to the cells of your body, in their zillions they are you. Thank them for composing your organs. Encourage the harmony of their collaboration. Ask them to excel in their functions. They will hear you and respond by working even more in concert, Enhancing the quality of your health and pregnancy.
CLOUDLAND On a day when there are clouds, gaze upward and take delight in the sight. Play with the shapes of the clouds, their light, their movement. Create stories with them. Clouds are theater of the wind, gatherings of dramas: cavalcades, battles, fiestas, kisses, caresses, sighs. They are the air at play. Celebrate them as friends, They will respond with the dew of love for your baby and you.
EARTH Find a patch of earth, stroke her with both hands, and sink your fingers in. Smell the smells she releases to you. They are fragrances of our mother, essences of re-creating. Give greetings, and thank her; she composes the elements of your body and of your baby's body. Down through your fingers pour your energies into her. Ask that she receive them deep within, mother them, transform them. Then ask that she return them cleansed and regenerated. What an earthy way to exalt the health of your pregnancy.
FLIGHT OF JOY Picture yourself in your favorite place on earth. You are walking there with your baby, free of heaviness, free of worry. Your thoughts wander among your most creative moments. Among some of the times, for instance, When you expressed love so beautifully that fear dissolved. Feel yourself uplifted by delicious satisfaction, joy and certainty. Flights like this profoundly affect your child's entire life.
FOOT FEAST Bathe your feet in luscious warm water. Thank them. Caress and talk to them. Feel your whole being opening and expanding. Feel your nervous system responding, your mind clearing, your energy level rising. Bestow this delightful feast upon your wombmate.
FRUIT FOR ENERGY Hold one of your favorite fruits in your hands, admire its life, and breathe its fragrance. Take your first bite, Eat slowly, with pleasure. Inhale consciously, and gratefully savor the flavor. Subtle energy is already flowing from the fruit into you and your baby. It is feeding the two of you with vitality, health and sensitivity.
FRUIT FOR LOVE Hold one of your favorite fruits in your hands and admire its beauty. A fruit is a love letter to you from the universe. It speaks the story of creation. Marvel at this while you are eating. As you marvel, your baby and you will receive even more from the fruit. More joy, more harmony and love for both of you to spread around.
FRUIT FOR THOUGHT Hold one of your favorite fruits in your hands. Admire its shape, its texture, its color and smell. Think of where it comes from, Of the energies that fed it, the people who cared for it. As you eat, think of the wealth of goodness it is bringing to your baby and you. Think thankfully, and the fruit will feed your minds with a clearer and deeper understanding of life.
FRUITFUL GIFT Take a fruit in your hands, an apple say. See it and smell it teeming with life. Touch it to your lips. You are kissing whole seasons of nurturance. This apple carries life-gifts from its tree, sunlife and rainlife, gifts from the earth, the air and the stars. Last year's leaves fell and gave themselves to it. Join this procession of giving: eat the apple as a gift for your baby who is your fruitful gift to the world.
GIFT OF LOVE Say hello to your baby in your heart, and whisper: "Dear love, come, let's think together." Then ponder the entire earth with its oceans and mountains, its trees and all life. Embrace your musings with love, and expand them with wonderful concepts of beauty. Create sentences to carry some of these ideas using works like gift, encompass, kiss, sublime, possible, receive. Actually speak the sentences aloud. What a beautiful way to be with your baby, givers of love.
GIVING HANDS Caress your pregnant belly. After a while let your hands come to rest there. Feel a smile playing on your face. And now, with love flowing from your hands, bless your baby. Call upon the forces of life, the creating energies of living, to participate with you in forming a wonderful human being.
HARMONY Breathe deeply and peacefully until harmony hums throughout you and your baby. As the soothing increases recall an incident of conflict in your life. Project your harmony onto this memory and watch the dissolving of any lingering anger, resentment, indignation or sadness. Then speak resolving words of compassion, understanding, and hope. This is a very special way to work with harmony, a wonderful learning experience for the baby.
HEARTH TO HEART On a frosty day, kneel by the hearth and kindle a fire. While it crackles and grows and dances like joy, settle back lusciously and gaze into the meaning of the blaze. Old dead wood is coming alive, warming you, delighting you, reminding you of the possibility of transformations. Turn your eyes inward and look for elements you wish to change there. Find chills to be ignited, shadows to be turned to light, anguish burned to peace. Kindle these old elements into brightness within the rich privacy of your heart, and thrill with the birth of this new energy. In the glow of deep joy smile confidently with your baby.
HEARTY MUSIC Play a piece of music that inspires you most, music that simply carries you away. And let it do precisely that. As you listen, select one aspect of yourself that you'd like to cultivate. And in your imagination ride on the music to a land where that quality thrives and blossoms in you. Say you choose health: see yourself brimming with it. See yourself so radiant that wherever you walk crowds dance with new health because of you. What a thrill for the baby!
HOPE Curl up on the sofa, and close your eyes. Call to the baby to join you and share in a moment of purposeful tranquility, a moment open to hope. Hope lavishes vitality and health in your bloodstream by stirring up waves of fresh energy in your digestive system. Breathe in, let go and let it happen. Feel hope beckoning and race to embrace it. Envision this mighty friend being forever with you both, making you strong.
LIGHT OF LOVE Love is a force. Use it. Call it to you, invite it to enter, to warm your baby and you, to seep throughout you both as a rich heat. When you are utterly force-full let it shine out through your eyes, through you smile, through your skin. Offer the shining to all the world's new babies and their mothers. See how the shining out makes more shining in.
LIGHT SHOW One of these evenings decide to be up for the coming of dawn. Plan a celebration for the moment when your eyes and the sun's first rays will come together. The sun will be sending wonderful radiant energy through all of space right in to you. And you will be welcoming it with all your heart, letting it inspire you and renew you. At that moment invite the light to join you in composing your baby.
MOUTH-WATERING OFFERING On the spur of a beautiful moment invite two or three dear friends to dine. Design a delicious menu, food you'd like to eat and love to make. Measure, season and cook with a full, reveling heart. Enrich the recipes with extra special ingredients: your love of life, of friendship and the joy of your pregnancy. Sift and stir, slice and dice, mix and mingle, loving every aroma, color and texture. Express that love out loud: "There is so much beauty in you, dear food! Carry it into the people we feed. Nourish them with the offering of our essence."
PEACE Go out to a park, a forest, a garden. Visit some beautiful green place where you and your baby can be alone for a while. Embrace the eloquent quiet of nature there, and surrender completely to those voluptuous messages of fragrance, form, color, whisperings. They are an intricate dance of the elements. Invite all this beauty in. Become the home of this earth poem. You and your baby are learning about peace.
PURE LIGHT Close your eyes and travel slowly through deep thought, off to a land of pure, expressive, surprising, regenerating light. To a land as promising as the start of sunrise. Enter there, bringing your baby along, and float freely in this ocean of vibrant life. Breathe the light, taste it. Let it become one with you both. Then, when you are brimming, come back home and radiate.
READING MATTER For your baby you are the most important person on earth. From the start of your pregnancy your baby adores you and is thrilled when you are most you. And who are you? What do you like to think about? Pick up a book on a subject that fascinates you. Cuddle up and share the reading with your baby who loves being addressed by you, loves knowing you.
RHAPSODY IN COLOR Hang a faceted crystal in a sunny window and invite rays in to play. There on the far wall they display sprays of rainbows. Catch one with your eye and see the dazzling music of life. The light blue sings health to your lungs, indigo builds strength in your bones. Lively orange pours wealth into your blood, yellow nurtures nerves and mind. The green composes harmonies for your digestive organs, red conveys power to your muscles, and purple gladdens glands. Stand in the glow of each color until its particular spirit has moved you. Then close your eyes so you and the baby can rhapsodize.
SECRET MURMURS Walk in the wilds for a while and find a clear stream. Follow to its very source. There, by the birthing spring, hear the water's murmuring, fresh, lively, inquisitive. Lean down to hand the water a caress, and feel what it has to say. Listen to this secret language, listen openly. Your baby will hear, understand, and remember the water's voice always.
SING OUT Go for a walk with a song in your heart. This song is a friend, its rhythm conducts your walking and defines your smile. As you stroll, harbor your song within, and let its sweetness increase you. Then, when you get to a place that feels right, and the song won't wait one more moment, sing out! The sounds of music you are making, the beauty and meaning of your song, are all having an immediate impact upon the chemistry of your body. Your blood is streaming extra nourishment, health and life to your organs. Your mind is working with more clarity and freedom. Joy is galloping throughout you and your baby. You are a singing hug.
SIPPING WATER In a moment of thirst pour water into a glass and sip slowly, deliciously, reverently. Water is the mother of life, the first food of all. Feel it entering you, trans-forming, becoming you and your baby. Travel back on the water to the first beginnings of life. Marvel at this feeding, at the life which you and the water and the baby are weaving.
SONGS OF SONGS Sink into your favorite chair, put your feet up, be entirely aware of delicious comfort, yours and your baby's. Rest there in the harmony, and fondle it. Within this reverie, think about music. Think of being musicians, you and the baby, makers of music in a symphony orchestra composed of the entire universe. The melodies you play are cosmic songs that sing of both your lives. Songs that are measures in the music of the spheres. Hear the joy, the strength and magnificence.
SOUNDS OF WATER Invite your baby to listen to water sounds As they flow from a garden hose, a faucet or a pitcher. Take pleasure in the listening, You are hearing the music of life renewing. Listen, the flowing is softly and triumphantly carrying away sorrow, sadness, discouragement. Thank the running water for this astonishing dissolving
STARK NAKED On a day of playful breezes, in a place of privacy, take off all your clothes and give yourself to air. Feel it dance with you, caressing your face, teasing your mind. Now it's inside of you, whirling and swirling, shooing bothers, dusting doubts, blowing worries away. Breathe this brilliant working breeze, laugh with it, and thank it. Your skin is singing with the air. Your baby is delighting.
STARRY NIGHT Lift your eyes to the skies on a starry night. Fall upwards into that infinity. Listen for the silent presence of those millions of lights and taste the peace of their timelessness. Now move toward a star of your choosing and make it your particular companion. Share yourself and the baby with your star. Ask it questions on matters that matter to you. Answers will be given to you both.
THOUGHTFUL MUSIC Select a gorgeous piece of music from your collection and play it. Think of it as a song of you... of how unique you are. Listen to the atmosphere of the melody. It is pronouncing your qualities, the beauty of your being. Your baby, there in your womb, is receiving your visions through the music and is experiencing a distinct surge of happiness. This is an enchanting way to enrich you both.
THREESOME Within an intimacy, take the hands of your baby's father and hold them to your pregnant belly. With the three of you gathered together, have a conversation about this family. Talk about who you are. About your home, your life, ideas, hopes, dreams. "Your mom and I were picturing your first taste of chocolate ice cream." "Your dad wants to take you sailing." "Welcome to this tough old world. You will make a difference." "What a joy you are! We're honored to be yours." "Count on us." Then give all three of you a deep felt family kiss.
WALK AMONG TREES Walk among trees and choose one to be your friend. Touch it with joy and reverence: it is made of energies from the sun, the air, the earth and the rains. Lean back on the tree with your right hand on your pregnant belly. Place you left hand at the back, palm pressing the trunk. Now ask the tree to share energies with your baby and you. Feel the intensity of the currents flowing. Afterwards give your tree a big hug of thanks from the two of you.
New Release! "Reducing Infant Mortality" Documentary:
Jeanice Barcelo of Maui <
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> has stepped forward with this idea: (let's help her!)
Elena's note: "I think we need to have Ecstatic Birth Schools in every village on this beautiful planet! Imagine that! Instead of McDonalds! Just Downtown Paris has 17 McDonalds' and not one School for Ecstatic Birth. What's wrong with that picture?
Postpartum Sexuality is probably the most unspoken problem in our society. This unacknowledged issue leaves permanent scars on children because they have to listen to their sexually frustrated parents fighting all the time. Let me just say it out loud: WOMEN, AFTER GIVING BIRTH, ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SEX!!!!! There! I said it! Well, of course, having said that, every rule has exceptions, but I AM TALKING about the general tendency. Life Force that was prompting a woman to be sexual to procreate, now is directed elsewhere - to nurse, to provide growth of the new being, even sometimes at the expense of her own wellbeing. Let's take matters into our own hands! Let's talk about it, share, learn from each other. I've been raising awareness of this issue for many years now, discussing the subject in my workshops when time allowed. I always thought that it's a big part of preparation for birth - to open the discussion between the future parents how they are going to handle the upcoming change, when a woman looses her sex drive temporarily and her man does not. It's a big change to adjust to, on top of the new world's order that the new baby brings. Over the past 27 years that I'm working in this field, I've watched hundreds of families falling apart because of this issue and a snowball effect this issue causes. Because young families are in the dark, thinking that they are the only ones who have this problem... They don't know that it is normal, that she is going to return to being sexual again, that it can be dealt with patiently and intelligently... but each family is left alone with this huge problem and by the time a woman is physically ready again to be engaged in sexual activity, the ill dynamic between them has gone too deep - the guilt-tripping, annoyance, frustration, suspicion, blame... So the general tendency is: by the time Her sexuality returns, He lost his appeal for her, after all the pressure he was putting on her. When her sexuality activates again, most likely she will have her eye on someone else, with whom she doesn't have a history of so much tension, with whom she can relax and explore from a clean start who she is now as a woman. As she, indeed, changed. Creating a new baby almost always turns a girl into a Woman. Her needs, feelings, priorities - changed. And it's very difficult to understand and reflect on what and how it changed in the midst of sleepless nights and changing diapers, let alone explain it to a man, who has no way of relating to anything she just went through, who is not equipped with the complexity of hormonal tides and mixed signals. If there is no man on the horizon to catch her new budding sexuality, a woman often just goes into a sort of dormant state, when she reluctantly agrees to have sex with her husband on a rare occasion. She never initiates it, just un-enthusiastically does her wifely duty. That is how it's been for thousands of years... I am probably making some people very angry by saying all of this. Well, we hae kept quite about this long enough, let's try something different. The fact that someone knows somebody who knows somebody who had passionate sex with her husband after having his kids, doesn't make it not true for hundreds of millions of women who had never returned to their sexuality after giving birth, because of social conditioning and sexual illiteracy. I also talk about it in 'Director's commentary' on my DVD, in bonus features. Healthy Sexuality is a rare treat. We went far astray in our social attitude from what's good, normal, healthy. Again, I am emphasizing that everyone's story is unique and different and it's impossible to cover all variations in a short statement. I am describing what happens most often. Because I am in this peculiar counseling position in this life, I have so many people confining in me from different age groups, races, countries, educational background. I have put myself out there and am getting a lot of feedback. That's how I know. Just talking with women. So, here comes in my friend, Jaiya, who wants to conduct an actual study about this subject. Here is her letter: "Greetings my female friends! I am doing a research on PostPartum Sexuality to shed some light on the subject and would love if you could help me. If you have had children and can take the time to fill out this brief confidential survey it would be amazing. I am trying to collect answers from 1000 women from all different walks of life, so please forward to all of your friends who have children or who are expecting a child in the near future. Here's the link. http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=IH5bdG5dipinG8ISmnYuSQ_3d_3d
Thank you so much! Much Love, Jaiya"
So let's work up some solutions. There are plenty of them. Lots of answers appear when the right questions are asked. We can have that cake and eat it, too.
Australia's Homebirthing Battle
Australian Homebirth enthusiasts are fighting to keep the woman's right to have a natural birth at home. They, too, need our help! Here is where you can learn more and what you can do: http://www.birthoptions.com.au/
In Love and Service,
Elena Tonetti-Vladimirova "Birth As We Know It" director, producer "Birth Into Being" Workshop facilitator "Population Dynamics" Non-Profit Corp. www.birthintobeing.com www.birthasweknowit.com 530-566-0199
